When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
— Katherine Ponder
“I will never forgive you.”
I looked at this sentence and wondered if only this person would not forgive me, or would it be myself who cannot forgive.
Is it easier for me to forgive others or myself?
Is it easier for me to forgive myself for something I didn’t do or something I did?
What is my ability to forgive and why do I want to forgive?
Determining what underlies the ability to forgive yourself or others can turn out to be hard work during which emotions such as anger, sadness, regret, and fear will appear. It is not easy to face such emotions. It is not easy to forgive. Sometimes you say – I will never forgive him/her. Fortunately, there is a forgiveness process. If you already dare to go through it, I assure you that you will not regret it.
Forgiveness is the biggest gift you can give to yourself.
Today I would like to focus on determining what forgiveness is and its benefits.
For me, forgiveness is the ability to “let go”, to release the suffering, annoyance, and pain that you experienced in the past.
The moment you “let go” there will be room for a new life. Along with this, the desire to attack someone, hurt, retaliate, and take revenge will disappear.
Forgiveness is a kind of detox for the soul.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Just because you forgive yourself or someone else, does not mean that you will forget what happened or that you will change the past. Forgiveness does not mean that you agree to what has happened and accept acts such as violence, aggression, as well as mental or physical harassment.
Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again. Forgiving changes the perspectives. Forgetting loses the lesson.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you are weak, stupid or naive. On the contrary, only strong and brave people can forgive. Look at John Paul II, who forgave the man who tried to kill him. Nelson Mandela also forgave his torturers. How many Holocaust victims have ever forgiven their oppressors?
Will you call them weak people?
The benefits of forgiveness:
1. You will feel free.
2. You will start your healing process.
3. You will remove anger and the will to take revenge from your heart.
4. You will not let an event or a person take control of your mind and heart.
5. You will achieve peace of mind.
6. You will achieve the power of forgiveness.
7. Forgiveness is the best revenge.
8. Forgiveness is the greatest teacher of life.
9. Forgiveness allows us to get rid of the victim’s mentality.
10. Forgiveness allows you to build new, healthy relationships with others.
11. Forgiveness will help you continue living.
Lack of forgiveness
Lack of forgiveness causes suffering that you carry around all the time.
Suffering is not good for your mental and physical health. It may cause depression, anxiety, stress, or PTSD. Suffering does not raise your energy level. Until you forgive you will continue to suffer. Give up loyalty to your suffering. People tend to get attached to suffering, talk about it, ponder it – “see what happened to me! See what he or she did to me!” I agree that it was terrible what happened to you, but does it really define you? What about the rest of your life? This terrible event has ruined some part of you or your life, but don’t let it dominate you for the rest of your days. All you have to do is take away your joy for that time – now you don’t have to allow it.
Lack of forgiveness causes your ability to solve problems decreases.
Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon
Forgiveness is a process for which you have to give yourself time. Immerse yourself in sadness, anger, mourning, or fear. Screaming, howling, throwing pillows, breaking plates, writing the worst things in a notebook, throwing out all emotions connected with a given difficult situation, or using a therapist’s support may be beneficial for you. You have the right to feel all these emotions, but don’t keep them inside for a long time. It is not conducive to your life, development, or fulfillment in any area. It only makes you feel powerless and disappointed. As a result, you feel like a victim.
A willingness to understand the other person can play a role in forgiveness. Why did she do this and not otherwise? Parents who criticize their children may reflect the behavior of their parents who criticized them. A friend who offends or criticizes you may do so because of low self-esteem. A former partner who has let you down or betrayed you may be stuck in some self-destructive pattern of behavior that led to the collapse of all his or her relationships. Understanding behaviors do not mean accepting them. Their problems should be solved by them. However, wanting to understand the motives of actions instead of demonizing them can be a serious step in the forgiveness process.
The person you forgive may not even know about it. Forgiveness is not about her or him. The person who hurt you may not even be aware of how much they hurt you or may not thank you for your forgiveness, but that’s okay because forgiveness is something for you. Freeing yourself from anger, suffering, and fear makes room for new, positive emotions such as compassion, love and joy of life.
You can start forgiving cases which are not that serious. For example forgive your dog that bit your favorite shoes, or your cat, that scratched the sofa. Start with the simplest events. It’s just like playing the piano. When you start learning, you start with the simplest notes – after some time you move to increasingly difficult music pieces to finally play the entire symphonies.
You may not be ready to forgive and that’s also fine. Don’t force it. You can’t tell yourself today, I forgive and click! No. Forgiveness is a process, don’t rush it. Look at it and explore its secrets.
You will see, the moment will come when you find that you are ready for forgiveness and forgive, and it will be the most wonderful, most liberating moment of your life- I promise.